My Friend's Take "Justin Timberlake equals jerkhead"

Below is my friend's email - he sent this in a group email. I found it funny insightful and important enough to post:

"Justin Timberlake doesn't receive enough blame for ruining the last seven years of my life.

As I'm sure you've all heard, Madonna is going to be performing at the Super Bowl Halftime show, finally cashing in on her sizzling hot 2011 #1 single ... I mean lukewarm 2001 #1 single ... oops ... her cold, but tastes good reheated 1995 #1 single ... nope.  That's right, Madonna hasn't had a #1 hit since her namesake gave birth to our lord and savior, Jesus Christ.  Her selection follows in the nearly 7 year unbroken streak of old bands playing on the biggest stage in the world.  Here is the list of bands that have played the Super Bowl since 2004.  In parenthesis is the last time each had a number one single in the United States:  Paul Mcartney (1982), The Rolling Stones (1978), Prince (1991), Tom Petty (1989), Bruce Springsteen (1992), The Who (1967), Black Eyed Peas (2009), Madonna (1994).  

For those of you playing along at home, that means the average year of the most recent #1 hit for a Super Bowl performer, since Justin Timberlake ruined the performance for everybody, is 1987.  The average age of the lead singer of each band?  58.6 (will.i.amreally drags the average down.  Without him, they come damn close to receiving Social Security benefits, with an average current age of 61.8).

To be fair, the performances have been pretty good, and the bands are classics.  I don't want to go back to the Up With People Singers (who performed 3 times between 1980-86), but if you're not going to do something contemporary, go big throwback to the 70s when they used to have university marching bands play ... I actually think that would be really sweet.  I just want to watch a halftime show where the artist is in his or her prime ... and where I'm not worried if he's going to break a hip.  But we can't, because old people are easier to control, and Mick and Daltrey have enough money, and are famous enough, and old enough that they probably won't whip their wieners out and wave them at the crowd.

Not only did Sporty Spice single-handedly destroy the relevance of the actual halftime performances, he also introduced the most overused, grating joke term in the history of stupid people who overuse stupid jokes: "wardrobe malfunction".  Have you ever laughed when the woman in your HR department jokes about a wardrobe malfunction because she forgot to tie her shoe?  How about when the smiley newscaster uses it to describe Lady Gaga's latest red carpet antics?  Of course not, because you're not mentally handicapped.

In the decade before "the event" (1992-2003), the Super Bowl featured, at or near their primes, Gloria Estefan, Michael Jackson, The Indiana Jones one (which was super sweet when I was 12), Boyz II Men, Christina Aguilera, Enrique Iglesias, N Sync, U2, Britney Spears, Shania Twain, No Doubt.  Now, because eleven people were shocked because we were "accidentally" shown a 38 year old, pastie covered boob, we've had to endure 7 years of stupid jokes and octogenarians singing.

So ... that's what I think about that.  I could sense you were all clamoring for my take on the Madonna Super Bowl nod.  Justin Timberlake is an asshole.

hugs and kisses,

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