Funny Quotes

“It’s not wrong to hit a woman - although I wouldn’t recommend doing it in the same way you hit a man”
Sean Connery
“Sir, I actually speak to god all the time, and don’t take this the wrong way, but he never said anything about you”
Philippe Gaston(Matthew Broderick) in the film Ladyhawke
[When he was asked whether he thought that human beings were corrupt, amoral and cynic]
“Of course not! Haven’t you seen The Sound of Music?”
Billy Wilder


“An amateur thinks it’s funny to dress a man as an old lady, sit him in a wheelchair and shove the chair so that it goes down a ladder and smashes into a brick wall. A professional knows you have to use a real old lady.”
Groucho Marx
“I started a diet. I cut heavy foods and drinks and, in fourteen days, I lost two weeks”.
Joe E. Lewis
“My first wife divorced me alleging irreconcilable differences. Besides that, I think she hated me.”
Oscar Levant

“Save the trees - kill a beaver.”
Anonymous
“Selfish - someone more interested in himself than in me.”
Ambrose Bierce
“May the flees of a thousand camels infest your armpits!”
Arabic Curse